Humor & Laughter

Humor & Laughter:  The Best Medicine

 I love to tease 

When I buy shoes, sometimes I feel they just need to measure my mouth, because that is where my foot is most of the time; and it's a tight fit! 



They say I am full of B.S.  Of course, they are referring to BETTER SERVICE


 Special Delivery

Does the Post Office still have Special delivery service?  Of course every delivery is special!



I am a Home less person, I live in an apartment 


 Truth in Advertising 
Concerning truth in advertising “There ain't no dirt in them diapers”
 The Thinker

Do you remember that sculpture of "THE THINKER"?

I know what he is thinking, where did I leave my clothes?


 Bed Bath & BEYOND

I told my girlfriend that I want to take her to bed, bath, and beyond.

Her dad told me that I had better be referring to a retail store.


 Human interaction as a postal window clerk

If the line is backed-out the door, and my next customer had a full beard and mustache, I sometimes will say:  I wouldn't say that the line is too long, but you were clean-shaven when you got in line. 


 Changing with the times

I enjoy the lyrics of the old Sixties Rock-n-Roll songs (of course I was just a baby back then)!

Now, when I sing the lyrics of, "You're sixteen, you're beautiful, and you're mine", I have to change the word content so the thoughts expressed don't get me in trouble now.

The old song now says:  You’re sixteen, you’re beautiful, and I’m going to jail.


 Who's your daddy?

There are no illegitimate children, just illegitimate relationships.

I am 6' tall and my older brother is 6'6" tall.  I told someone that maybe my mom didn't eat right when she was pregnant with me; or maybe I didn't eat right when I was a child, and that stunted my growth.

He told me that he didn't think either of those two circumstances was the reason. For he said; "How tall was the letter carrier on your home delivery route".

I told him, my dad was never a letter carrier.


 Beer consumption 

I made eye contact with a pretty, young, lady in her mid twenties in the checkout line at the grocery store. And I said:  If you will drink the whole six-pack all at once, I will start looking young and handsome to you.  The woman replied, “I think it will take a whole case of beer to accomplish that”.  P.S.  I am getting older, this could happen.


 Unplanned parenthood

Sometimes it is an avoidable dilemma.

I was at the booth for The National Right to Life exhibit at the State Fair of Texas in Dallas.  

I smiled and told the ladies at the booth, that I am doing my part to stop abortion...  I am not getting anyone pregnant.   


 Olympic Swimmer

I was a regular at a particular swimming pool. There was a young lady swimming very fast in the lane next to me. Someone told me that she swam in the Olympics a few years back.

I was able to keep-up with her.  But I had to wait until she was 7 months pregnant.

OK, I confess, she would catch me before I got to the backstroke turn flags. But it was fun just "trying" to hang with her. I loved the challenge.


 I am old and poor

I am too old to be your boyfriend, and too poor to be your sugar daddy.

-----The only ring I can afford to give you is an onion ring.

-----And the only carrot will be an organic orange one.



I thought Bipolar was referring to a classy young lady using two poles in her dance routine.


 A. D. D.

I spent several days talking to a psychotherapist and at the end of the sessions I was told that I have A.D.D.

I just knew my counselor was giving me three, letter grades for the counseling sessions; I never dreamed that they were referring to a mental disorder.

People have been treating me better, ever since the Forrest Gump movie came out (I love chocolate).



 Does the word mean I am psycho and I need therapy?