Humor & Laughter

Humor & Laughter:  The Best Medicine

 I love to tease 

When I buy shoes, sometimes I feel they just need to measure my mouth, because that is where my foot is most of the time; and it's a tight fit! 

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com

 B.S.

They say I am full of B.S.  Of course, they are referring to BETTER SERVICE

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com

 Special Delivery

Does the Post Office still have Special delivery service?  Of course every delivery is special!

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com

 Homeless

I am a Home less person, I live in an apartment 

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com

 Truth in Advertising 
Concerning truth in advertising “There ain't no dirt in them diapers”
 Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com
 The Thinker

Do you remember that sculpture of "THE THINKER"?

I know what he is thinking, where did I leave my clothes?

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com

 Bed Bath & BEYOND

I told my girlfriend that I want to take her to bed, bath, and beyond.

Her dad told me that I had better be referring to a retail store.

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com

 Human interaction as a postal window clerk

If the line is backed-out the door, and my next customer had a full beard and mustache, I sometimes will say:  I wouldn't say that the line is too long, but you were clean-shaven when you got in line. 

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com

 Changing with the times

I enjoy the lyrics of the old Sixties Rock-n-Roll songs (of course I was just a baby back then)!

Now, when I sing the lyrics of, "You're sixteen, you're beautiful, and you're mine", I have to change the word content so the thoughts expressed don't get me in trouble now.

The old song now says:  You’re sixteen, you’re beautiful, and I’m going to jail.

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com

 Who's your daddy?

There are no illegitimate children, just illegitimate relationships.

I am 6' tall and my older brother is 6'6" tall.  I told someone that maybe my mom didn't eat right when she was pregnant with me; or maybe I didn't eat right when I was a child, and that stunted my growth.

He told me that he didn't think either of those two circumstances was the reason. For he said; "How tall was the letter carrier on your home delivery route".

I told him, my dad was never a letter carrier.

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com

 Beer consumption 

I made eye contact with a pretty, young, lady in her mid twenties in the checkout line at the grocery store. And I said:  If you will drink the whole six-pack all at once, I will start looking young and handsome to you.  The woman replied, “I think it will take a whole case of beer to accomplish that”.  P.S.  I am getting older, this could happen.

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com

 Unplanned parenthood

Sometimes it is an avoidable dilemma.

I was at the booth for The National Right to Life exhibit at the State Fair of Texas in Dallas.  

I smiled and told the ladies at the booth, that I am doing my part to stop abortion...  I am not getting anyone pregnant.   

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com

 Olympic Swimmer

I was a regular at a particular swimming pool. There was a young lady swimming very fast in the lane next to me. Someone told me that she swam in the Olympics a few years back.

I was able to keep-up with her.  But I had to wait until she was 7 months pregnant.

OK, I confess, she would catch me before I got to the backstroke turn flags. But it was fun just "trying" to hang with her. I loved the challenge.

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com

 I am old and poor

I am too old to be your boyfriend, and too poor to be your sugar daddy.

-----The only ring I can afford to give you is an onion ring.

-----And the only carrot will be an organic orange one.

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com

 Bipolar

I thought Bipolar was referring to a classy young lady using two poles in her dance routine.

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com

 A. D. D.

I spent several days talking to a psychotherapist and at the end of the sessions I was told that I have A.D.D.

I just knew my counselor was giving me three, letter grades for the counseling sessions; I never dreamed that they were referring to a mental disorder.

People have been treating me better, ever since the Forrest Gump movie came out (I love chocolate).

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com

 Psychotherapy

 Does the word mean I am psycho and I need therapy?

Sincerely ArthurTrafford.com